Saturday, August 6, 2011

Poem #2 The Words I Fear Most

On my list of 30 things to do before I turn thirty, #9 is to write ten poems and post them on my blog. Here is the second one. I actually wrote this several years ago and have never showed it to anyone. I think I wrote it after a break up. Let me know what you think.

Your face is etched in my mind.
I close my eyes to make it go away,
but that only makes it clearer.
Why do I even try? It's no use.
Your face will not leave me.
A constant reminder of what could have been.
I try not to think about it.
But I am weak.
Sometimes I get lost in those penetrating eyes.
They see my soul.
They see too much.
Hours go by as I search those eyes.
They'll always be a mystery to me.
No matter how familiar they become.
I feel naked under your gaze.
Nothing to hide behind.
Nowhere to run.
You're the only one that can see
Through the wall I've spent
so long to build.
You tore it down in a single moment
and saw the real me.
You stayed.
Why did you stay?
Others tried to see me
but I was a master builder.
The wall went up quickly.
They would try to chisel through
but all gave up.
Except for you.
You didn't even have to try.
One look, one word, one touch
was all it took.
In your presence I was my true self.
Your eyes smiled at me and
time, people, smell all froze.
The only movement was the air,
gently pulling me to you.
I didn't fight it.
Your eyes never left me and
I suddenly felt free.
The insecurities that held me prisoner
shattered in your presence.
For the first time I felt good enough,
I know you loved me for just being me.
But how could that be?
The insecurities coming back,
wrapping their chains around my heart.
How could I possibly be good enough for you?
I'm not.
You read my thoughts.
You say the words I fear most.

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